My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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