No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
