I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Four minutes until I can fart!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
