I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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