remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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