my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
