I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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