remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
