I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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