Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
