We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
