We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
