Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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