how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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