Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
