me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
