Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I understand Curling. That high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
