I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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