I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
