Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
