thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
