I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
