The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your cock deserves a montage
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
