i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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