MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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