Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
