K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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