we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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