If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
