If i come over, it means nothing
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
