i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish i was in the wii world.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
