the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
