I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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