hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
