roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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