Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she told me i tasted like america
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize