Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
