Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
