I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You smell like a Billy Joel song
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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