she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
