Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
