I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
