at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
