I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
