we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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