my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
