My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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