It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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