whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
