As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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