My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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