Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
