Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
